"How do people manage to go back after 2 weeks? I'm not ready at all."
We speak to the cofounder of The Dad Shift about what paternity leave looked like for him.
Welcome back to Double Shift.
How are you doing?
This week, we’ve been loving using Substack as social media, connecting with people via notes and quotes and restacks and likes and comments - all that good stuff. We’re learning as we go with this, so we look forward to seeing you more regularly on this platform.
Today, we’re back with another Dad. Not just any dad though - the cofounder of the brilliant The Dad Shift, a campaign which went viral back in September 2024 by tying baby slings to statues in a call for better UK paternity leave.
Two weeks. Two weeks to adjust, support, bond and be present. It’s nowhere near enough. We talk a lot about work-life balance here, but real balance has got to start with policies that actually support families.
This week, The Dad Shift launched a new campaign to get self-employed people the same pat leave as everyone else, starting with a big petition to put this on the government’s radar - you can sign the petition here.
We’d love to hear about your experiences of paternity leave…please leave us a comment or contribute to Double Shift here!
Ellie and Ella x
Today, we meet Alex Lloyd Hunter, cofounder of The Dad Shift, a new campaign to improve paternity leave in the UK. His background is in digital campaigning and fundraising with charities and he lives with his wife and 3-year-old son in Oxford. You can find the campaign at @dadshiftuk on Instagram.
Can you share your journey to becoming a parent?
My wife and I struggled to get pregnant, so in the end, we had our son through IVF. We feel incredibly lucky that we were able to do that through the NHS, and are very grateful for the miracle of science that is IVF.
Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did paternity leave look like for you?
I was running a small company at the time, so was able to set the paternity leave policy for everyone in the company, which meant I got 6 weeks full pay. They were honestly some of the best weeks of my life. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't plain sailing: our son struggled to feed due to a tongue tie and was losing a lot of weight. He also wouldn't sleep in his cot, so one we took it in shifts to hold him 24 hours a day. But I just remember sitting there during the night watching something on TV with this amazing tiny baby asleep on my chest. Having that time to bond and learn how to look after him was totally invaluable. I remember thinking, "I just can't believe people - how do people manage to go back after 2 weeks? I'm not ready at all." We were lucky that my wife also had generous maternity leave from her employer, so while we did save up ahead of time, we were well supported during that period.
What is your current working situation?
I work 4 days a week, self-employed on the Dad Shift campaign.
How do your clients support you in balancing work and parenting?
I'm mostly in control of my time, so actually the challenges for me are about making sure that I maintain good boundaries between this work that's very busy and I'm really passionate about, and time outside work.
Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?
We're up usually about 6:30. One of us gets our son up and does his porridge for breakfast then gets him dressed and plays with him, while the other has a bit of time to do some exercise or do some chores around the house. Then we've got a complicated childcare setup where different people are looking after him each day. That might mean a grandparent's coming over to us or we're taking him to nursery. At the end of the day, if we're both home around dinner time, we'll split the dinner, bath, and bedtime shenanigans between us, and on a good day he's asleep by 7:30.
What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?
We put a lot of importance on doing everything as equally as we can, both childcare and jobs around the house. We feel lucky that we've been able to build a situation where that's possible, but we've had to have so many jigsaw pieces fall into place to make that happen: having grandparents around who can support with childcare, both having employers who let us work flexibly etc. But in doing this, it's become clear to me how difficult it is with the system in the UK to make this work. Our childcare is too expense, paternity leave is bad, and most people don't get to work flexibly. That's why I wanted to start campaigning around paternity leave - to make sure that everyone else has the opportunity to be as big a part of their kids' lives as I've had.
What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?
My wife and I each do days, and we're also lucky we have three sets of grandparents within a 40-minute drive who help us out. Our son has recently started nursery as well. So it's split between all of that.
Do you receive any funded hours for childcare?
Now our son is 3, we get 15 hours of funded childcare, 38 weeks a year.
How much is your monthly childcare bill, and how does it impact your family's family's finances and budgeting?
Because of the support from our parents, our son is at nursery one day a week. That means about 75% of his nursery fees are covered by his funded hours, so we're lucky it doesn't impact us too much. But if we didn't have that support from our parents, nursery would cost over £80 a day, which would be a huge impact if we had to put him in for more days.
How do you feel about your current work situation?
I feel lucky that I'm able to do something that I'm really passionate about.
What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?
The biggest challenge is making sure that I maintain really good boundaries between work time and family time. There's always 10 times more things that I could be doing on the campaign than I have time to do, and because it's something that's self-directed and I care a lot about, I need to be strict about not letting it take over my family time. It's also relatively insecure work - we're a new campaign still trying to get funding, so we're relatively hand to mouth at the moment.
If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?
I think some more job security!
How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?
I used to do a very busy job I found really stressful. I was running a small company, which means always juggling a lot of balls at work. I knew that I would struggle to be the kind of parent I wanted to be if I was thinking about work all the time, which is what I was doing 24/7. I wanted to be able to be present and just focus on my son outside of work. So actually, a lot of my perspective shift happened before I became a parent. I spent years working towards a situation where my job is now a bit less stressful, and I do feel more able to be present with my son. But I think getting that balance, not just in terms of physical hours at home versus at work, but where your head is at - that's been the biggest shift I've had to make, and I think it's a challenge for a lot of parents.
What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life?
I would just say if you're struggling, don't feel that you're failing. Almost every parent I know struggles with this balancing act. We're all trying to juggle our jobs, keep on top of household tasks, and still have enough energy to be truly present with our children. While people often feel ashamed to admit they're finding it difficult, the truth is we're all in the same boat. Everyone I know is just doing their best to make it work, so try to be kind to yourself.
How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?
I try to recognise the root causes of my stress. Often it's something simple, like having a bad night's sleep - when I'm tired the next day, I'm much more likely to feel overwhelmed. Just acknowledging "I'm feeling this way because I'm tired" helps me step back and remember it's temporary. When work stress creeps in during family time, I've learned to mentally "schedule" it - I'll tell myself "I'll think about this tomorrow at 10am" and give myself permission to let it go for now. Usually, when tomorrow at 10am comes around, the thing I was worried about often doesn't seem nearly as stressful anymore.
How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?
The morning routine my wife and I have created is essential - taking turns to get that bit of exercise or personal time while the other handles breakfast. In the evenings, I try to be disciplined about not working after my son goes to bed, even though it's tempting to catch up on whatever didn't get done before dinner. I've learned the hard way that using every spare moment for work is a path to burnout. Instead of working late, I'm trying to get better at reprioritising what really needs to get done during my actual working hours.