"I simply don’t give as many sh*ts, which was a game-changer for me."

Meet Katie, who gained confidence at work after becoming a mum.

Happy Saturday!

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Today, we meet Katie Snape, a chartered building surveyor. She lives in Kent with her husband and two-year-old.

Can you share your journey to becoming a parent?

We were very lucky in that we decided to start trying after our wedding in December 2021 and by January 2022 I was pregnant.

Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity leave look like for you?

Again, we were very lucky - we both worked at the same company at the time and the maternity policy was 6 months full pay and the paternity policy 10 weeks full pay. During the second half of my maternity leave, my husband paid the equivalent of half my usual monthly salary to me which allowed me to keep contributing to the mortgage and bills as usual.

What is your current working situation?

Full-time.

How do your employer or clients support you in balancing work and parenting?

My company have a lot of resources such as parental coaching to support this transition although unfortunately, I didn’t find out about this until I was past the point of feeling I would benefit. I don’t really know why I wasn’t told about this but we went through a merger just before I went on leave so I can only think it was that. I’ve also been at the company for 7 years so I have built up a lot of loyalty. I think they are a very flexible organisation generally but I feel more comfortable actually working flexibly because of the trust that has accumulated.

Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?

We agree before the week starts who is doing what for the week in terms of pick up and drop off. Drop off is looking after George from 6-7:30am when nursery opens and pick up is collecting him at 6ish and doing bath/bedtime (7:30). The other person is free to use their time as they please so that could be a workout or more likely getting into work early or staying later. We’re morning people, so working late just means leaving the office at 6-6:30 and being back in time to make dinner. Typically the person on drop off is also on dinner duty. We don’t rely on family help regularly but we’re fortunate that Dan’s brother lives 10mins away and his parents 30mins away, so emergencies are covered by them.

What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?

We are very equal. I do the lion's share of the organisation but in all other aspects we split it and we’re pretty good at telling each other if we’re feeling hard done by.

What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?

Nursery 5 days a week. We spoke about Dan’s mum doing a day a week but with her having other grandchildren it felt unsustainable and I didn’t like the idea of putting that on them.

Do you receive any funded hours for childcare?

We’re not eligible.

How much is your monthly childcare bill, and how does it impact your family's finances and budgeting?

£1,800, but again we’re lucky as my company has a workplace nursery benefit that allows me to pay it pre-tax so we save 40%. It has impacted our disposable income in that we now have to budget and be conscious of what we’re spending our money on.

How do you feel about your current work situation?

I am very happy with it.

What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?

My performance is measured by how much I invoice which served me well before having children. My bonus is also directly linked to this so in the past I was able to put more hours in when I wanted to and it would result in more bonus. Now I just don’t have the inclination to put those extra hours in, I also don’t think I could sustain it. I know I am still doing a great job but my biggest challenge is convincing my employer to put me on a different pay structure that doesn’t disadvantage me - because I now have responsibilities outside of work. I am one of very few senior females in the business, as you might expect from a property company it is very male-dominated.

If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?

I’d love to find a magic solution that allowed me to spend more time with George but also work hard to progress my career.

How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?

I simply don’t give as many shits, which was a game-changer for me. I also gained confidence.

What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life?

Don’t compare yourself to others. Do what works for you.

Guilt is such an unnecessary drain of energy (I’m still really working on this one). Sometimes it feels like an absolute shit show and other times you feel like you’re killing it. Neither will last so don’t overthink it! Communicate with your partner. All. The. Time. About everything. Try and get to a point where you feel happy with the responsibility split because if you’re not you’ll end up with resentment building up and that doesn’t help anyone. It works best for us when we’re working as a team, sometimes one of us needs to do more of the heavy lifting because the other is going through a tough time at work but it always balances out.

How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?

Not well. It takes me a while to adjust to change in circumstances so I waste energy wishing it wasn’t happening instead of figuring out what I need to do to manage the situation. I’m getting better though.

How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?

We have to make sure we make time to do things for ourselves even if that means sacrificing a bit of family time but it is important for our mental health and makes us be nicer to each other as well as better able to manage the juggle. You really can’t pour from an empty cup.

Anything else to add?

Be kind to yourself. It’s bloody hard work.