"I used to spiral quite a lot, but now I try to look at what I can do in this moment to lessen my overwhelm."
Meet Isabel, a mum-of-one with a double career.
Good morning!
Coming to you on Sunday, a day later than usual - but the weekend nonetheless. I’ve been in Cyprus enjoying 27-degree weather (yes, I know - I KNOW) and a casual 11am beer for no other reason apart from the fact that I can. It’s nice to be home of course, but gosh - I’m missing the holiday mindset (relaxed / loose / free) already!
A housekeeping note - Double Shift is 6 months old! In that time, there has been so much great feedback and it’s been amazing to hear. There has also been constructive feedback - mostly where readers want to go deeper into contributors stories. Bear with, it’s likely the questions will be tweaked to allow for this. All good things, coming!
A reminder - new parents are always needed for Double Shift. Share with your family, friends and let them know this is a safe space where they can be anon if they’d prefer.
Ella x
Today, meet Isabel. She a copywriter at a global marketing agency, and a published author. She lives in South Derbyshire with her husband and 2-year-old daughter. You can find her at isabelstrychacz.com and @isabelstrychaczauthor on Instagram.
What is your approximate household income?
£72k, but some years it's a bit more if I happen to have a book deal that year! So far, I've had some extra money from my book contracts about every 2 years.
Can you share your journey to becoming a parent?
We didn't have much trouble getting pregnant - just staying pregnant. We found out we were expecting literally a month after we got married in 2021, but unfortunately I suffered a traumatic miscarriage just past 12 weeks. A couple months later, we tried again, and were ecstatic to be pregnant again - but unfortunately I had an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in surgery for internal bleeding and removal of my fallopian tube. It was a very difficult year for us, but the third time was the charm and our rainbow baby daughter was born in 2023.
Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity leave look like for you?
Luckily, my maternity leave coincided with a book deal, and I saved about £11,000 of that book deal to supplement my year of statutory maternity pay. I'm really lucky it worked out like that, because we weren't in a place at the time to save for it otherwise, and I probably would have had to go back to work much earlier if I hadn't had the book deal money.
I took the full year of maternity leave -- my work only offered the statutory pay -- and my husband got a month of paid leave. I'm originally from the US, so I felt incredibly lucky to even have the option to take a year off. That's unheard of over there.
What is your current working situation?
I currently work full time and am remote 4 days of the week, although this will be dropping to 3 days remote sometime this year. On my in-office day, I drive into Birmingham, which takes between 1-1.5 hours per way, depending on traffic.
If I'm under contract for a book, I work on that in the evenings after my daughter is in bed.
How do your employer or clients support you in balancing work and parenting?
When I got back from maternity leave, the company I worked for was not very flexible and I found it very difficult. Six months ago I got a new job and it's been ideal - they're so family friendly and completely understand flexible work hours. There's no micromanagement and they trust you as adults to get your work done before the deadline. Since going to this new job, my mental health has been so much better - flexibility and balance makes such a huge difference!
Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?
Our typical days have lots of moving parts, as throughout the week my husband and I do drop-offs and pick-ups depending on our own work schedules. But we have it pretty well choreographed now!
On a typical work day my husband leaves early for work, and me and my daughter get up, have breakfast, and get ready for nursery. She goes to nursery at 8:30 and I start work by 9 - luckily her nursery is only a 5-minute drive. I do the nursery pick up around 5 pm, and then we have dinner as a family. Then it's bathtime and bedtime around 8pm. After she's asleep, I either catch up on work if needed, write my book if I'm on contract, or have some chill out time on the couch!
On the days my daughter goes to her nan's house for the day instead of nursery, or on the day I leave early to drive to Birmingham, my husband does the drop off and pick up.
What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?
We work as a team to make things work. He's an incredibly active dad and partner and we split the childcare drop off and pick ups equally throughout the week based on our work schedules. I tend to do more of the household responsibilities during the day, but that's because I mainly work from home and it's easy to throw on loads of laundry between meetings, etc.
What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?
My mother-in-law looks after our daughter for two days a week, and the other three days she's in nursery.
Do you receive any funded hours for childcare?
We get tax-free childcare and 15 funded hours, but our nursery is pretty strict with which sessions you can use funded hours for per day. I'm really looking forward to September, when the 30 funded hours comes into play - I'm hoping this will make a significant drop in how much we pay!
How much is your monthly childcare bill, and how does it impact your family's finances and budgeting?
It's between 750 and 900 per month, depending on term time, etc, as our funded hours are term-time only. It's been a huge financial hit to be honest -- it's more than our mortgage -- and it's made saving really difficult. We'd love to put aside money into savings or into a holiday pot, etc, but every month we're paycheck to paycheck solely because of childcare.
We considered going to a cheaper nursery or looking into childminders, but our daughter has trouble with transitions and change, and she was already so settled in this nursery, and they have been brilliant. So for now, the expense is worth it!
How do you feel about your current work situation?
I feel really good about work since getting my new job; things have gotten a lot brighter. I used to dread Mondays, and now I don't at all. I really appreciate the flexibility and commitment to family balance.
What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?
The commute to Birmingham is my biggest challenge -- currently it's only 1 day a week, which is totally manageable, but it'll rise to 2 days soon, and I do worry sometimes that they'll bump up the in-office days to 3+. That would make things really difficult due to the commute.
If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?
I just wish it wasn't so expensive. Our single biggest expense per month is childcare and she's only in nursery 3 days a week! We're so grateful for her nan because I don't think we'd financially be able to do full-time nursery. It's impacted planning for our next baby, too -- we wanted to start trying again soon, but now are going to wait until our daughter is in school --over two years from now -- as we couldn't afford two kids in nursery at once.
How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?
My family and my daughter mean everything to me. She's my priority, and work is what I do to enable experiences with her and to make sure she is thriving. My work is incredibly important to me, both my day job and my author career, but my daughter comes first.
What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life?
I am a meticulous planner, and I've found that having everything written down is very helpful because we have so much going on that if it's not written down, I'll forget! I don't mind doing the majority of the planning because I enjoy it.
Also -- if you're currently a working parent in a job you hate, look for another one! I get it, because I put off leaving my old job for SO many months as I kept thinking, "what if the new place is worse?" But -- what if it's better? What if it makes your life more balanced and manageable?
How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?
I'm quite a stressy person in general and it probably doesn't help that I have two careers on top of parenting - but I'm working on it and I try to do deep breathing and focus on the here-and-now. I used to spiral quite a lot -- "and what if this happens, and then this and then THIS?!" but now I try to look at what I can do in this moment to lessen my overwhelm. That's helped quite a lot -- and having my husband to lean on and take over when I need a break.
How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?
After my daughter goes to bed, that's my "me-time" and I make good use of it -- bubble baths, reading, gaming, or even just watching telly or YouTube. My current work schedule also allows me to prioritise my mental health, and I currently use my 1-hour lunch break to go to the gym or go running -- I've even signed up to a half marathon. My husband and I both make sure that we build some time into our day for self-care.