"We are both neurodivergent, so planning ahead and any sort of life admin is incredibly difficult for us"

Meet a mum-of-one working alongside her husband.

Welcome back to Double Shift! We love having you here and having discussions about the newsletter down in the comments and over on Instagram. How is January treating you? We’re trying to hold on to that new year energy for as long as we can, but this cold weather is making it difficult!

Stay warm,

Ella and Ellie x

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Today we meet Ellen who co-owns a copywriting, content strategy and web design business with her husband called Content By The Sea. She also writes a newsletter about mental health for the chronically online, Conversations By The Sea. She lives with her husband, 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter and two rescue greyhounds.

What is your approximate household income?

Our business turns over approx. £100,000 p/a but take home about £65,000 together.

Can you share your journey to becoming a parent?

Craig and I have been together for over 11 years. We spent 2018 travelling Southeast Asia and then Australia. We returned home in early 2019 with short notice as my Mam was unwell - she passed away in April of that year. We decided to stay home in the UK and get married in August 2021 and got pregnant very quickly afterwards, welcoming our daughter in July 2022.

Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity leave look like for you?

Not a huge amount, we didn't expect to get pregnant so quickly. We are both neurodivergent (although we only knew about Craig's ADHD at this time!) so planning ahead and any sort of life admin is incredibly difficult for us. I worked until I couldn't anymore (38 weeks-ish) then I took 3 months statutory maternity pay. But since you cannot claim SMP and work at the same time, I knew it would be better for me to work around nap times/evenings as I could make more than way than by relying on the terrible maternity pay. Craig took the abysmal two weeks' statutory paternity pay.

We both work from home, and we are the only two people in our business. This is both a blessing and a curse. We didn't take any client breaks, we just kept delivering as best we could. Our turnover in 2022 was actually the highest it had ever been (no idea how we survived that!), and we took a small hit (-10%) in 2023, but this levelled out in 2024.

By six months, Craig took our daughter one day a week and I used that to work. Then at 10 months, our daughter started at a private nursery (before any free hours kicked in). She now goes there three days a week.

What is your current working situation?

Both Craig and I work four days a week. We then have our daughter one day per week each and she goes to a private nursery the other three.

How do your clients support you in balancing work and parenting?

We are open with our clients about our parenting balancing act. For example, our daughter was unwell in December so we had to push back on a couple of meetings. But typically, we just keep going and always meet the deadlines, even when it's to our detriment. At the end of the day, this business pays our mortgage, so we have to work otherwise we don't get paid.

Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?

I typically wake up with our daughter, as I am an early riser. Then I drag Craig out of bed to walk the dogs and her to nursery. Once he's home, we start work for the day. Our home is very small, so he works in the living room and I have a little desk set up in our master bedroom. We eat lunch together and then work, work, work until pick-up time at 5.20ish. Craig teaches an MMA class two evenings a week, so if it's one of those then I will do bath and bedtime by myself. Otherwise, we'll do it together and then chill.

What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?

Craig is an equal partner in every way, he has a full day a week of dedicated Dad time and, in spite of his ADHD, he works really hard to keep everything afloat.

What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?

We have a private nursery, which is a ten-minute walk from our home. Proximity to home helped us choose this initially, and we made the right choice as they are absolutely fantastic. The nursery is very small, often <20 kids per day and the staff have always been the same since she started over a year ago. They accommodate for our vegan lifestyle and often send us updates about her day. It's expensive but we love them so much.

Do you receive any funded hours for childcare?

We receive 15 hours per week, but this only covers term time and our daughter goes to nursery all year round. So, it pays for one day per week, and then we pay for the other two. We also get tax-free childcare, which pays 20p to every £1.

How much is your monthly childcare bill, and how does it impact your family's family's finances and budgeting?

After tax-free childcare, our bill is around £464. Before the free hours kicked in, this was closer to £700. Even after the free hours, our childcare bill costs more than our mortgage. This has a huge impact on our family budget, and is the sole reason why we can't currently afford a bigger home. That being said, we can't fault our nursery. We are incredibly fortunate to make enough money in our business to pay for such top-quality care and our daughter has come on leaps and bounds since she started attending nursery. Even if we didn't NEED to send her there, we still would as the benefits outweigh the costs.

How do you feel about your current work situation?

I love working four days a week as I can get stuck into the client work, but still get to spend a dedicated day with my daughter every week. I recognise how lucky we both are to get to spend proper one-on-one time with her during the week.

What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?

Sometimes it can be hard when there's a client issue or urgent emails on our parenting days. We also butt heads with deadlines and working processes due to our respective neurodivergences.

If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?

I would obviously love free childcare, or at least some more government help! Since my mam passed away and my mother-in-law works, we have no family childcare other than the odd babysitting evening or weekend sleepover. This makes things very difficult and hugely impacts our decision as to if/when we have another child. As of right now, we simply couldn't afford it.

How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?

It hasn't changed that much, I still love my business and feel passionate about everything we do. I love my days of dedicated work, and I also love a day at the museum with my daughter. Now I just feel like my career ambitions are intricately tied into my parenting, as every penny I make goes towards giving her a good life.

What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life?

I highly recommend the Doing It For The Kids community. In terms of tips, all I can say is that is gets better. The first year was incredibly hard, especially as all of my new mam friends were off work on maternity leave and I was sitting at my desk with a newborn in a sling. But now I get to hang out with my kid on a random Tuesday, while many parents are working in an office full time.

How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?

Not that well! I am autistic, so overwhelm is my natural state. That being said, I work with Craig to prioritise work, we outsource technical problems with websites, for example. I try not to do everything myself like I used to! Parenting wise, I am a much more patient parent than I thought I would be. We are well and truly in the Terrible Twos now and I find the best thing to do is just wait it out. Eventually the tantrum ends and you can get on with your day. I carry a lot of guilt about being the best mam I can be. If it's an oven tea two nights in a row, I have to have a word with myself because I just feel terrible if I don't make a fresh meal every time. I've come to realise I have to prioritise myself sometimes in order to better serve everyone else. Otherwise I'm just a frazzled mess.

How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?

Since learning about my autism late last year, I've started to realise that if I don't prioritise the things that make me feel good then everything in my life will suffer. I take dedicated time to pursue my special interests, like booking solo cinema trips on a free evening when Craig isn't teaching his class.

After bed time, we eat together and then either watch a film together, or agree to 'parallel play' where we sit in the same room, but do different things. I often read and he plays games. And the last, but likely most important thing (and one I will never ever take for granted again after becoming a parent) is getting plenty of sleep!

Anything else to add?

Nothing, just love your newsletter!