"We weren’t meant to do everything alone."
Meet Sarah, who is working full-time from home with no childcare.
Happy Saturday! To all almost 400 (!!) of you.
This week we’re heading across the pond to America. Our content is generally UK-focused, but we’ve had a fair few contributions from other countries recently and it’s so interesting to see how things compare (just check out how much paternity leave Sarah’s fiancé got, below…)
It’s timely as well, following this article in The Guardian about prohibitive childcare costs in the USA.
If you know anyone who is a working parent in the UK, USA or somewhere else - please send them our way. We’re ALWAYS looking for new voices to contribute.
Ella and Ellie x
Meet Sarah. She’s a Parenting & Education Specialist for corporate and SEO blog writer for Parenting brands. She lives in Wolcott, CT with her fiancé, three-year-old, and is 21 weeks pregnant with boy number 2.
What is your approximate household income?
Approx $110,000/yr
Can you share your journey to becoming a parent, including any planning, fertility treatments, or unexpected challenges you faced?
We got pregnant with our first by accident. When we were trying for number 2, I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and then a chemical pregnancy.
Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity leave look like for you?
We did not save ahead of time, but knew we were in a financially secure position to afford having children. Maternity leave was 16 weeks paid, between state and employer leave and short-term disability. My husband works for a small company with no leave and took a week off from work.
What is your current working situation?
Full-time remote, set hours, while building my writing business so I can become fully self-employed.
How do your clients support you in balancing work and parenting?
They don’t, generally. They mandated a return to the office 3 days per week in January of this year. However, we do have adequate “sick time” to use for prenatal and child doctor appointments and such.
Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?
I work from home from 7:30am-4pm with my toddler. I primarily do research for Parenting resources. We have lots of activities set up for my toddler to do throughout the day - puzzles, play-dough, kinetic sand, sensory toys, books, blocks, you name it.
It’s still hard, because he’s three, but we make it work. We can’t afford the astronomical daycare costs and I honestly don’t want him away from me for 40+ hours a week anyway.
What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?
We work together as a team. He works out of the home from 5:30am to 4pm, but otherwise we share household cleaning and chores. He takes over childcare so I can make us dinner and/or when I just need a break from being the primary caregiver all day.
What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?
None. I have a strong desire to have my children home with me, especially during these early years. The cost is also almost half of my income and unreasonable for our budget.
Will you receive any funded hours for childcare?
No.
How do you feel about your current work situation?
It helps us get by financially, but is by no means ideal.
What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?
Working from home with a toddler is tough. Set hours, meetings, corporate metrics and micromanagement can be stressful.
If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?
I’d quit my corporate job and go full-force into my writing business so I can do what I love while raising my babies at home. Corporate is simply not designed to help parents be parents while also allowing them to do their jobs unrestricted. If I were to stay in the corporate workforce, I’d advocate for schedule flexibility and more parental leave - 16 weeks is a lot in the US, but is still lacking in general.
How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?
I was a career woman before I became a mother, chasing promotions and learning opportunities. Now I’d love to have a career and still be able to raise my kids, though I’m finding that opportunity simply doesn’t exist unless you’re interested in full-time childcare (which I am not).
What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life?
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. From your partner, family, friends. We weren’t meant to do everything alone. Create a schedule that works for you. No pressure, just a rough schedule on how your days will look from start to finish, and expect some days to be totally off. Self-care is and helps you feel more capable of tackling all of those responsibilities.
How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?
I take a break. Any kind of break. A living room dance party with my toddler, time outside, exercise, a few moments to myself, a long shower. Whatever is doable with the time that I have.
How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?
I’ll admit, this is something I’m really bad at. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day responsibilities that I forget to take care of myself. I have gotten into the habit of noticing when I’m approaching my tipping point, handing my toddler to Dad or Grandma or Auntie, and taking some alone time for whatever self-care practice interests me. I recommend (and I’m talking to myself here, too) adding a daily practice. Taking care of yourself makes a huge difference in every other aspect of your life.
Anything else to add?
This sh*t is hard. Find, or create, your Unicorns. That could be a business, a support system, a healthy habit, whatever it is that allows you to work towards the dream of supported, flexible, working parenthood.