Welcome to Double Shift

It's so good to see you here!

Ahhh, hello!

Firstly, thank you so, so much for signing up to Double Shift! This is a project launched during naptime and from playgroups, across WhatsApp and Google Doc dumps. Each part has been carved out of the minimal time on our hands, but we couldn’t have hit go without the support of our brilliant contributors - their words and thoughts coming to your inbox soon.

It’s our aim to share a wide range of experiences of how parents get it done across the UK, from a diverse range of individuals. We’ve got plenty of straight couples with 2.4 children yes, but we’ve also got those who are parenting in different ways, with different set-ups.

We’re going deeper than a quick Instagram carousel: our interviews are quite in-depth, so do grab a coffee / wine / hide with a biscuit in the kitchen and settle in. The goal is to demystify and show the breakdown. The help (bought or given), the juggle, the cost of it all. We get into some juicy numbers - the less taboo around money when it comes to this stuff, the better, in our opinion!

We really do hope that you find this newsletter useful. That you’ll nod furiously along when you read other parents’ challenges and how they manage their day-to-day, because you see own life reflected back. That you’ll feel driven, like us, to keep talking loudly about the state of things here in the UK when it comes to support for parents. Most of all, we hope you feel seen, because we truly are all in this together.

Ella and Ellie x

P.S. We’re ALWAYS going to be looking for contributors. If this is you, please send us an email at team.doubleshift@gmail.com and we’ll send you the questions!

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Without further ado, let us introduce our first contributor to Double Shift. Jake is a Fine Art Claims Specialist living and working in London, who has been with his wife for 15 years, married for 9. They have one daughter.

Can you share your journey to becoming a parent, including any planning, fertility treatments, or unexpected challenges you faced?

My wife and I went through IVF to have our daughter. It was an incredibly draining process both mentally and physically. We were under Kings University Hospital who are simply brilliant. I remember the first night I had to give Frankie (who hates needles) an injection in her stomach. We tried for an hour until finally my wife grabbed the needle and did it herself. That was the start of 3 weeks of daily injections that my wife became a pro at! Very sadly my wife miscarried after 3 months which was a very difficult time. It was very tough to see my wife so upset and feel so powerless to help. It was a while before we could go again or even have the energy to. The next round went well and we relaxed a bit more and just hoped all would go well. Getting the 3 month scan was a big deal and there were multiple scans following. At six months we were told the baby was going lower and we needed a cervical stitch to keep the baby from being born. My wife was no longer allowed to commute and was on strict bed rest. This was probably the tensest I have ever been in my life. We managed to get to a safe point and Eliza was born 3 weeks early following an emergency caesarean. It was a few days in urgent care before we could go home.

Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity, paternity or shared parental leave look like for you?

We couldn't really save, we just bought what was necessary and family helped out with gadgets and clothes. My wife had a year off and I had 2 weeks. My lunch hour would be at my desk eating a sandwich and video-calling my ladies!

What is your current working situation?

My wife and I both work full-time for insurance firms in the city. I am in the office twice a week, soon to be three days, while she goes up once every two weeks.

How does your employer support you in balancing work and parenting?

When Eliza was one, we had to pick a nursery close but en route on my commute. With my wife having older parents and my family living in Greece, we had to use a nursery. My director at the time authorised me to work from home one day a week and my wife moved to a four-day week. The four-day week has worked well as she always has the Friday off with our daughter, and it means she can do food shopping, so we don't have to do that at the weekend and can better spend that time as a family. My manager now lets me use a lunch hour at any point in the day to collect my daughter from school and my work pays for 6 days of school holiday clubs to help.

Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?

Nursery was the tough one. Dropping our daughter at 7.30am and my wife getting her at 5pm was a really tough time. Nowadays, I normally drop Eliza to school and then work from home until either my wife or I collect her.

What role does your partner or co-parent play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?

We both work pretty well as a team. I'm happy with cooking dinner, bath times and bedtimes and Frankie is good with home activities, dressing, hair and education.

What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?

We have no family to help, so we previously used a nursery for 4 days a week. We decided on it because of the location en route to the station for my work.

Did you receive any funded hours for childcare?

My wife got childcare vouchers from work.

How much was your monthly childcare bill, and how did it impact your family's family's finances and budgeting?

At one point we were paying £800 a month and it definitely had an impact!

How do you feel about your current work situation?

Our work situation is great at the moment. We are able to balance work and home life thanks to our company’s attitude. My wife also gets 4 weeks’ paid sabbatical for ten years of service next year, so that is school holidays sorted!

What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?

Holidays...with school you kind of have to save days off for when the child is off. That can create issues if other parents also want that time. It’s really about having to plan ahead and making sure your partner can take time off if you can't.

If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?

It would be the cost or to have family that could help. Nursery was very beneficial and it has helped make Eliza very confident, but one day with family would have helped massively.

How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?

Great question...I wasn’t massively ambitious before, but now I feel an incentive. I want my family to have great times which makes me want to strive to earn more money.

What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life? Can you share any tips or resources that have been particularly helpful for managing your time and responsibilities?

Speak to your manager, you will be surprised how helpful they can be - don't assume they will say no. My manager suggested I take lunch at 3pm to collect Eliza. My wife stepping to 4 days has been very helpful. It was initially to cut the nursery bill and give her extra time with Eliza, but now it is a time to get household bits done in preparation for the weekend. Also, it means there’s a day we have each week in the summer holidays where there is already cover.

How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?

Once my daughter could understand, I explained why I work and what me working means in her terms (toys, snacks, swimming, TV) and she understands now why sometimes Dad needs a bit of time. She will still come and ask for a snack and tell me that her toy rabbit wants a picnic, but she will patiently let me finish what I'm currently working on.

I also do not prioritise my phone or my work phone after 5pm. I used to find I'd get stressed if I was responding to a work email on a work phone or reading an article on my phone and my daughter interrupted me. I realised early on that she isn't creating the stress, I am. I can read that article when she goes to bed, I don't need to create a situation where I could get irritated.

How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?

This is where I'm slack. I haven't been out with friends in a year, my time out is family time. I go to the gym twice a week, but it will tend to be early in the morning or whenever I am 'not needed'.

Anything else to add?

I went for an interview when my wife was pregnant. I got on great with the guy who was an American with 4 kids. I asked him for advice and he simply said: “Be in the room...not just sat there. Be in the room for them”.

I didn't get the job, but I kept the advice.

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