"We’ve divided all the tasks - for the ones we each hold, we hold the full mental load."

Meet Sam, who practises the Fair Play Method at home with her husband.

Happy Saturday!

How are you getting on?

Last week was a busy one for The Dad Shift and supporters of fair paternity leave - the government held a formal consultation on improving paternity leave. This is the first time the government has committed to a hard timeframe for the review that we can hold them to. From June, we collectively have 12 months to influence the review, then for them to act on it in summer 2026.

Fair paternity leave is moving up the government's agenda.

Your pressure is working - keep it up!

Ella and Ellie x

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Today we meet mum-of-two Sam, who runs The Float Space, a spa for the minds of working mothers. She works with brilliant women who want to enjoy work *and* be present with their kids. She lives with her husband and children by the sea in East Kent.

Can you share your journey to becoming a parent?

We were lucky and had a very easy journey with both kids. The first was conceived after around 6-9 months, I think, and the second just after I left a very stressful job (I think reducing the stress helped!).

Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity leave look like for you?

This was very different with each baby. The first was born in 2018, and I took a very traditional 12-month maternity leave (with the traditional redundancy during it! But I ended up returning to the same employer). My husband took the 2 weeks of paternity plus I think a week of annual leave. Our second was totally different. I had recently handed in my notice at work to go self-employed when we found out he was on the way and I'd been self-employed for around 8 months when he was born. I took four months of maternity leave and overlapped this for a month with my husband taking five months shared parental leave. We didn't have childcare lined up after that, so I then reduced my hours back down to just two mornings (Friday and Saturday) until he went to nursery age one. I was in the grey area that freelancers often find themselves, not quite on maternity leave as I was working a bit, but also not really working as 90% of Monday - Friday I was with the baby.

What is your current working situation?

I work four days, school hours. Plus some juggling round the edges! I'm very flexible in the holidays, using some holiday clubs but also taking time off. I’ve recently started working one early morning each week (I’m writing this from one of those mornings!). I noticed I was feeling jealous or something off about my husband’s occasional commute to London (one or two days a week). Logically, I know commuting isn’t fun! But there was something coming up. I realised it was the ability to leave the house solo, (relative) peace on the train, and that my mental energy is best in the mornings so starting after 9 was feeling like a missed opportunity. I posed this idea to my husband, which honestly felt like a big ask. Of course it wasn’t. He was really supportive and now prompts me to protect the time. We keep the day flexible because his London days aren’t set. I sneak out somewhere between 6 and 7 am and work from our local train station coffee shop for a peaceful couple of hours before my first coaching client spot of the day at 9.15 am.

How do your clients support you in balancing work and parenting?

My previous employer was great, I think that was because I had a really flexible manager who trusted me. I returned to working 2 days in the office and 2 at home, compressed hours on a 90% contract. I’m a great boss to me now that I’m self-employed! More seriously, my clients are wonderful! They’re mostly doing the juggle too so they are very understanding on the odd occasion something needs to shift because of a poorly child. It also really helps that both my husband and I work from home, so between us we can usually both work and juggle when needed.

Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?

I’m usually in my children's bedroom (which they share) by morning, in my son’s floor bed having a snoozy boob as he wakes up. We all get up somewhere around 7 and try to make sure both kids are dressed before heading downstairs. On a typical day this is uniforms all round as helpfully my son’s nursery has a uniform top and jumper (and we have some spare plain in the same colour) so there’s minimal thinking! I try to put these out the night before for ease too. Breakfast is round the kitchen table as long as we’re all up in time and both myself and my husband are home. If rushed or solo, it can be on the sofa while bags are packed, hair brushed and the adults pop back upstairs to throw clothes on. On a typical day my husband takes the kids to school/nursery. We recently extended our son’s hours so he is dropped of first, this makes everything less of a rush and means whoever is dropping off is back home for 9. One (or rarely two, sometimes 0) days a week my husband goes to London. Then I do the drop off. To allow for this I don’t book clients before 9.15 so that I don’t have to juggle people around. Then work. Just before 3 I head out for pick up, getting my daughter first from school so we get 20 minutes or so solo to catch up and walk over to nursery. The 3-5 shift is mine and a real mixed bag. Sometimes we’re all exhausted and it’s home for all the screens. Some days its the local playground which the whole school seems to empty into. It’s always snacktime. Dinner (usually all together around 6 pm), bath, bed then takes out the evening. At the moment it’s around 8 or 9 pm that I crash onto the sofa and often fall asleep there!

What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?

Absolutely massive. We loosely use the Fair Play Method (I’m a certified facilitator), which means we’ve divided all the tasks of running the home and for the ones we each hold, we hold the full mental load. For example, my husband holds laundry. That doesn’t just mean the execution of that task - putting it on/drying/away. It means making sure stains are dealt with, we have enough detergent, special fabrics are managed, the broken laundry rack gets replaced etc. Another good example: we take it in turns to hold the other kids’ birthday invites. This means when an invite comes in the person who holds it checks if the child can/wants to go, if we’re free, puts it in the diary, plans getting there, gets the gift.

What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?

Our son goes to a brilliant nursery since he was one. I viewed it when I was pregnant with him when we moved to the area. I’d seen the website and been really impressed how child-led it was. It's also close to school so we can do both drop-offs on foot. When he was under 2 he went in a smaller room with just a small number of toddlers and wonderful key workers. They held him for snuggly naps and really worked hard with us to support his transition to their care. They allow a lot of independence, especially now he’s in the big room with the 2-4 year olds. For example at lunch, the food is available and they’re told they can come eat, but they’re not made to sit down so they can finish what they’re doing and come eat when hungry. My daughter went to a childminder at first, I didn’t feel ready to send her to a nursery. It felt too big and institutional, or the ones near us at the time did anyway. I met a couple of childminders close to our home and went with a combination of gut and what worked for life logistics.

Do you receive any funded hours for childcare?

Yes, he’s currently on the new 15 hours for 2-year-olds. We use this spread across the year. He'll get the 30 hours next September for the year before he goes to school.

How much is your monthly childcare bill, and how does it impact your family's finances and budgeting?

It’s around £450 a month right now, which is a big chunk for us but I know probably small compared to others. That gets topped up by tax-free child care and the free hours has brought it down from around £800. He goes four days, 8.30-3.30

How do you feel about your current work situation?

I feel good about it right now, it’s right for this season. Yes, I worry from time to time that as a small business, I “should” be hustling 24/7, but then I remind myself that’s not why I chose this!

What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement?

There’s not a great deal of room for manoeuvre when life stresses happen and I’d like to change this. Kids get sick, other life stuff happens (I broke my ankle the first time I was juggling the summer holidays). I advise clients with employed jobs to plan for the unexpected and allow space in their working week - I need to take a bit of that advice!

If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?

I’d have family close by for informal, flexible support. Someone to call when a child needs picking up from school or child care, sick and work is a juggle. Or for extra after-school on the odd day that would help for say a dentist appointment or haircut!

How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?

I’ve become more patient and more driven to do something purposeful.

What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life?

Get help. It’s not all on you. Map out your support network - have you got a sponsor at work? A mentor? Peers who’ve been there? Mum pals in the thick of it for midnight WhatsApps? Create space to reflect on what is/isn’t working. This could be journaling, speaking to a friend, or hiring a coach. If you’re part-time, make sure your role has been properly re-scoped for the hours you are actually working. Don’t go to all the meetings - find one this week you can decline. Make the invisible visible. The mental load can often be shouldered by one parent if it goes unseen. The Fair Play Method is one way to do this.

How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?

Get outside, get moving, or get in/near water! Similar to how I’d deal with an overwhelmed child. Going and looking at the sea helps - living under a minute away from the coast is wonderful! Ideally, I have space for the stressful moments. I know running helps me and keeps my cup full. The early starts to get on top of admin help. Talking about it helps. Also dropping the most stressful things if they’re not really needed. Reflecting on what is absolutely necessary and making life easier. If that means more take out for a bit so be it.

How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?

I’m not great at this and as a coach I often feel I “should” be (that should is a clue I’m beating myself up!). Reminding myself that I need to be well to be a good mum and partner helps. Although, I also have to remind myself that I deserve self-care and personal time because I’m a human!

Anything else to add?

Working parents reading this - you're doing great! Go get yourself a little treat.