"You can work your ass off when they are bigger. Just try to slow down."

Meet a formerly career-focused mum who now sees work as 'just work'.

A very good morning to you! Autumn is fully autumning and the change in the weather (along with crunchy leaves and the promise of a PSL) almost makes us forgive the diabolical summer we had (almost). Who is going to be traipsing the streets with little ones hoping for a treat on Thursday? 🎃

As always, thank you for being here - we’re loving the feedback, comments and will always try to tweak the newsletter so you get the most value out of it. Speaking of which, we’d love to hear from more dads! We have some brilliant dads from behind The Dad Shift campaign coming up which we’re really excited about, but if you have a working dad in your life, please do send them our way!

Have a lovely weekend,

Ella and Ellie x

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This week we meet Charlene, a mum of three (ages 9, 7 and 3) from Worcester, working full-time as a Senior Business Analyst for a specialist bank.

Can you share your journey to becoming a parent?

Luckily we had a very easy journey to becoming parents. Our daughter and oldest son were both planned and happened without too much hassle. Baby number three was a lockdown surprise!

Did you save ahead of time for your child? What did maternity leave look like for you?

We didn’t specifically save ahead of time but were fortunate enough that we had good salaries and a high disposable income. I took 9 months maternity leave with my first two children - standard statutory payment of 6 weeks full pay and the rest a % of pay. When I went back to work after baby number 2, I did three days but struggled with being effective at home and work. I just got into the swing of the work week and then I was back home then just got into the swing of home and I was back at work so I went back to full-time. 

Then lockdown hit! Maternity leave with baby 3 was 6 months full pay and then 3 months 50% pay (I was with a new employer by then). 

When I returned, they offered a phased return where I could do 3 days a week for the first month at 100% of my full-time pay. 

What is your current working situation?

I currently work full time, 5 days a week - 2 from the office and 3 at home. However, I am having to reduce my hours in September because our youngest will start preschool at the primary the other two go to, but there is no provision for wrap-around care for the preschool children.

How do your employer support you in balancing work and parenting?

My employer is very supportive of working parents which is great, and I have a really understanding manager. I’m lucky enough to have a job that can be flexible.

Can you walk me through a typical working day for you and your family? How do you manage the juggle?

Usually, I get all three kids ready and leave at 8:15am. Nursery drop off, school drop off, then  I get back home to start work at 9am. I finish at 5pm, nursery pick up, school pick up, home, dinner, homework, bed. If I’m in the office, I leave home at 6:30am to get in for 7:30am so I can leave early enough to get the kids from after school club/ nursery. However, come September I will be starting work at 7:30am, and my partner will get everyone ready. I’ll do school drop off at 8:30am, come home, work until 3pm and then pick them all up. 

The days I’m in the office, my partner will have to pick them up and occupy them until I get back at 4pm. As well as that, Monday is tutoring for my daughter as she misses a lot due to lockdown, Wednesday is my son’s sports activity and Friday is swimming lessons. 

What role does your partner play in managing childcare and household responsibilities?

Currently, I take on the majority of childcare and household responsibilities although he works from home 100% of the time! His job and employer are not as flexible as mine. He didn’t take any paternity leave for any of the children. It will be interesting to see how it pans out when he has to take some of the load come September!

What type of childcare do you use and how did you decide on it?

We used nursery for all of our children from 9 months. We felt it was the best option for them in terms of socialisation and learning. We don’t have family close by so they are only really an option in the school holidays. In the school holidays, we also use holiday clubs to keep them busy.

Do you receive any funded hours for childcare?

We receive the standard 30 hours since our son turned 3, and also use the tax-free childcare to pay for wrap-around and holiday clubs.

How much is your monthly childcare bill, and how does it impact your family's family's finances and budgeting?

Our highest ever childcare bill was £1800 for one month. It just fell that the older two were in at the same time just before our oldest got her 30 hours! Before we got funded hours for our youngest, nursery was £1000 per month and then school wrap-around was £200 per month. With 3 of them, the holiday club costs £115 per day through the summer. We have had some help from family but it has still set us back nearly £2000!

How do you feel about your current work situation?

Ok - I like to have the independence of working, but family life would be a lot calmer if I didn’t work. 

What are the biggest challenges you face with your current work arrangement

School holidays and having to go to the office twice a week. 

If you could change one thing about your work or childcare situation, what would it be?

It would be great to be able to say I will work X hours per week and be able to just do them when it suits me, rather than having to have a fixed start and finish time.

How has your perspective on work and career changed since becoming a parent?

Before children, I was very career-focused. Work was my life and I loved being at work and the buzz of it. I would check emails in the evening and always be switched on. Now it’s just work. It is a necessity to earn money to afford the lifestyle we have. I don’t think about it after I have logged off and I certainly don’t think about it when I’m on holiday! I have no desire not progress at all. If anything, I’d like less responsibility.

What advice would you give to other working parents trying to balance their careers and family life? 

My only advice would be - work will replace you within a day but your family will never replace you. There is a quote I saw once, by Coca-Cola’s former CEO Brian Dyson: The five balls are: work, family, health, friends, soul. It will not be long before you realise that (work) is a rubber ball. Whenever you fall, you will jump again, while the other balls are made of glass. If one of them falls, it will not return to its previous form.

How do you handle moments of stress or overwhelm related to balancing work and parenting?

I have a meltdown. Honestly, I’ve had a few! I just do what I can for work during those hours and then leave it. I always try and block out anything parent-related in my work diary so I can work around it - like school plays, sports day etc.

How do you prioritise self-care and personal time amid your busy schedule?

Honestly, I don’t. It’s something I'm trying to work on now the kids are getting a little more independent.

Anything else to add?

It’s bloody hard! But appreciate your kids because they are only young for such a small amount of time. You will never get that back. You can work your ass off when they are bigger. Just try to slow down.